i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
