the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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