I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
