omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
