i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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