i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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