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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
