U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
