Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
