My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
