i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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