well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
