just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
