Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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