If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
