I think I am morally bankrupt
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
