i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
