Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
