just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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