I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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