i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
