good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
