"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
