K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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