I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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