I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
