I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
