Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
