Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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