Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
