no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
