it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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