There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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