airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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