i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just want to make out with him forever
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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