i need an iv and a liver transplant
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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