Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
