I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
