Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
