Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
