Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
