and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
