$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
