Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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