there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
