Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
