Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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