dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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