his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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