plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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