guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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