Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
