I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
