Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
