If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
this will be a night to untag.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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