Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I currently don't understand fingers.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
