forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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