Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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