these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
